CONTRER LA VISION ROMANTIQUE DU MAR

CONTRER LA VISION ROMANTIQUE DU MARIAGE

1. Ce qui se cache sous l'expression «J'aime un(e) tel(le)».
Nous trouvons l'autre :
a) à notre goût, agréable...
b) utile, profitable, facilitant
• L'apparence physique
• Les habiletés manuelles et / ou intellectuelles
• Les talents
• Les ressources financières ou les possessions
• Les façons de se comporter dans certaines circonstances
• Les façons de réagir à certains types d'événements
• Les traits de caractères
• L'intérêt que l'autre éprouve pour certaines choses

En effet, ce n'est pas totalement ce qu'est l'autre qu'on aime. De façon plus juste, nous aimons plutôt ce que l'autre possède et dont il nous fait bénéficier, ce que l'autre fait pour nous et dont nous profitons. En ce sens, il n'y a pas d'amour inconditionnel. Ce que nous appellons amour est plutôt une utilisation réciproque et intelligente des ressources de l'autre en vue d'un plus grand plaisir de vivre.
Il n'y a pas de réelle gratuité dans ce qu'on appelle l'amour puisque toute personne humaine, de par sa constitution, cherche d'abord et avant tout à puiser chez l'autre ce qui va l'amener à combler ses aspirations.

2. L'amour est d'abord et avant tout une question de réciprocité et il y a un prix à payer pour obtenir cette réciprocité.
Ce que les humains appellent amour, peut dans certains cas devenir une sorte de vol par effraction, (pillage, piratage) des ressources vives de l'autre personne. C'est, d'une certaine façon, épuiser la terre qui pourrait nous nourrir de ses fruits.
Ce que nous appelons amour ne peut croître que dans la réciprocité.

Il n'y a que l'enfant, à cause du développement incomplet de son jugement pour croire que l'autre peut toujours tout lui donner gratuitement.
L'adulte, dont le jugement est arrivé à maturité a appris qu'aucun humain ne peut combler toutes ses attentes, tous ses goûts, tous ses désirs. Il sait que les autres attendent aussi de lui qu'il serve à combler certains de leurs goûts, désirs et attentes. Chez l'adulte parvenu à maturité, ce fait est reconnu paisiblement. Ce qu'on appelle amour devient donc pour cette personne, une question de réciprocité. L'adulte accepte que ce qu'on appelle amour soit fait de « faux cadeaux » en ce sens qu'il y a un prix à payer pour bénéficier des bienfaits que l'autre peut nous apporter.

L'amour est basé sur deux tendances fondamentales en nous :
a) le dynamisme de croissance qui nous pousse à rechercher ce qui est bon pour nous, pour notre croissance.
b) Notre tendance à l'appartenance (création et appartenance à une « niche écologique » ).

Chez l'adulte lucide et serein, il y a acceptation du fait suivant : l'autre peut m'aider dans une certaine mesure à satisfaire ces deux tendances. Il peut m'aider à être raisonnablement heureux.

On se marie non pas pour rendre l'autre heureux, mais pour recevoir de l'autre des occasions de bonheur, et afin de conserver cet avantage, on accepte de payer pour cela un prix juste et raisonnable. C'est ce qu'on appelle la réciprocité dans l'amour.

Quand il y a réciprocité, quand le prix à payer pour obtenir cette réciprocité est raisonnable, il y a satisfaction, donc il y a ce qu'on appelle dans le langage courant : amour.

Certains signes permettent de déceler si une personne a atteint ce niveau de conscience ou non. Ils sont les suivants :
a) L'autre ne peut supporter aucune frustration de ses désirs.
b) Il ne peut supporter de délai à la réalisation de ses attentes.
c) Il n'imagine même pas qu'il y a un prix a payer pour obtenir la satisfaction de ses désirs.

Dans une telle situation, on a affaire à un adulte enfant. Demeurer en relation avec une personne de ce type demande qu'on passe sa vie à essayer de « faire grandir » l'autre. Ça peut prendre beaucoup de temps, le prix à payer est très élevé et le résultat est loin d'être garanti.

3. On ne reçoit pas en soi ce qu'on appelle l'amour humain : on le crée soi-même en soi quand il y a satisfaction.

Quand l'autre se conduit de façon gentille, affectueuse avec moi, j'éprouve de la satisfaction. C'est de l'évaluation que je fais de mon degré de satisfaction que naît ce que j'appelle l'amour. L'amour que l'autre éprouve pour moi n'est rien d'autre que le résultat de mes actes, de mes attitudes, de ce que je mets à la disposition de l'autre pour son propre plaisir.

Quand j'exerce à l'égard de l'autre de la bonté, de la bienveillance, de la générosité, l'autre crée en lui-même en sentiment d'amour pour moi qui n'est rien d'autre qu'une résultante de mes propres actes.

POUR CORRIGER CES COMPORTEMENTS :
a) Tu me traites gentiment et je te réponds de la même façon. (Importance de renforcement positif).
b) Quand tu me traites mal, je peux continuer, pour un certains temps, lucidement, de choisir de bien de traiter tout en essayant de t'ouvrir les yeux.
c) Quand le mauvais traitement continue, alors sans colère, sans ressentiment, sans culpabilité, je vais répondre de façon à préserver mes seuls intérêts, sans m'occuper de toi.

Il n'y a pas de culpabilité à avoir à demander à l'autre de payer le prix pour recevoir notre attention affectueuse à condition d'être soi-même, prêt à payer un prix juste de façon éclairée.

Results (English) 1:

COUNTER THE MARRIAGE ROMANTIC VISION1. what lurks under the expression ' I love a (e) as (the).We find the other: a) for our taste, pleasant...(b) useful, profitable, facilitating• Physical appearance• The manual skills and / or intellectual• Talent• Financial resources or possessions• Ways to behave in certain circumstances• Ways to respond to certain types of events• Character traits• Interest another feel for some thingsIndeed, it is not completely what the other one likes. A more accurate, we love rather that the other has and it made us eligible, what the other does for us and we enjoy. In this sense, there is no unconditional love. What we call love is rather a reciprocal and intelligent use of resources on the other to greater pleasure to live.There is no real free in what is called love as any human person, by its constitution, seeks first and foremost to draw in the other what will bring it to fulfil its aspirations.2. love is first and foremost a matter of reciprocity and there is a price to pay for this reciprocity. What humans call love, can in some cases become a sort of burglary, (looting, piracy) of the bright resources of the other person. It is, in a certain way, deplete the Earth which could feed us fruit.What we call love can grow only in reciprocity.There is that the child, because of the incomplete development of judgement to believe that one can always give it for free.Adults, whose judgment arrived at maturity has learned that no human can meet all its expectations, all tastes, all his desires. He knows that others also expect him serve to fill some of their tastes, desires and expectations. Adult mature, this fact is recognized peacefully. What is called love becomes so for this person, a matter of reciprocity. The adult accepts that what is called love is made 'false gifts' in the sense that there is a price to pay for the benefits that the other can bring us.Love is based on two fundamental trends in us: (a) the dynamism of growth that drives us to seek what is good for us, for our growth.b) our tendency to membership (creating and belonging to an "ecological niche").Adult lucid and serene, there is acceptance of the following fact: the other can help me in some way to satisfy these two trends. It can help me to be reasonably happy. Marry not to make the other happy, but to receive the other opportunities of happiness, and in order to maintain this advantage, it agrees to pay a fair and reasonable price for it. This is the so-called reciprocity in love.When there is reciprocity, when the price to pay to get this reciprocity is reasonable, there is satisfaction, so there is what is called in the current language: love.Some signs to detect whether or not a person has reached this level of consciousness. They are as follows:(a) one cannot bear any frustration of desires.(b) he cannot bear to delay the realization of expectations.(c) do not even imagine that there is a price to pay for the satisfaction of his desires.In such a situation, there is case to an adult child. Remain in relationship with a person of such request, it spends his life trying to "grow" the other. It may take some time, the price to pay is very high, and the result is far from be guaranteed.3 is not in itself the so-called human love: one creates oneself in itself when there is satisfaction.When the other drive so nice, affectionate with me, I feel satisfaction. It's the assessment I do my degree of satisfaction that arises what I call love. The love one feels for me is nothing other than the result of my actions, my attitudes, of what I put at the disposal of another for his own pleasure.When I exercise with respect to the other's kindness, benevolence, generosity, the other creates itself in feelings of love for me which is nothing more than a result of my own actions.TO CORRECT THESE BEHAVIORS:(a) you treated me nicely and I answer you in the same way. (Importance of positive reinforcement).(b) when you treated me badly, I can continue for a certain time, lucidly, choose good deal while trying to open the eyes.(c) when abuse continues, without anger, without resentment, guilt-free, I'll respond to preserve my only interests, without caring of you.There is no guilt at having to ask the other to pay the price to receive our loving attention IP55, willing to pay a price just in an informed manner.

Results (English) 2:

COUNTER ROMANTIC VISION OF MARRIAGE 1. . What hides under the expression "I love (on) as (the)" We find each other: a) to our taste, pleasant ... b) useful, beneficial, facilitating • Physical Appearance • The manual skills and / or intellectual • Talents • Financial resources or possessions • The ways of behaving in certain circumstances • Ways to respond to certain types of events • The character traits • The interest that the another feels for certain things because it's not completely what we love each other. More fairly, we like rather what the other has and which he shared with us what the other is doing for us and what we live. In this sense, there is no unconditional love. What we call love is rather a reciprocal and intelligent use of the other resources to a greater enjoyment of life. There is no real in so-called free love since anyone human, by its constitution, seeks first and foremost to draw in the other what will cause it to meet its aspirations. 2. Love is first and foremost a matter of reciprocity and there is a price to pay for this reciprocity. What humans call love, may in some cases become a sort of break-in, (plunder, piracy ) vivid resources of the other person. This is, in some way, exhaust the land that could feed us off. What we call love can only grow in reciprocity. There is a child, because of incomplete development judgment to believe that the other can always give it all for free. The adult, whose judgment is mature learned that no human being can fulfill all expectations, all tastes, all his desires. He knows that others expect him to be used to fill some of their tastes, desires and expectations. In adults mature, it is recognized peacefully. What we call love for that person becomes a matter of reciprocity. The adult accepts that what we call love is actually "false gifts" in the sense that there is a price to pay to enjoy the benefits that the other can bring us. Love is based on two trends fundamental in us: a) the growth dynamic that drives us to seek what is good for us, for our growth. b) Our tendency to belonging (creation and membership of an "ecological niche"). In adults lucid and serene, there is acceptance of this fact: the other can help me in some way to meet these two trends. He can help me be reasonably happy. It is not married to make the other happy, but to receive from the other opportunities to happiness, and to maintain this advantage, we agree to pay for it a fair price and reasonable. It's called reciprocity in love. When there is reciprocity, when the price to pay for this reciprocity is reasonable, there is satisfaction, so there is what is called in the language power: love. Some signs can detect whether a person has reached this level of consciousness or not. They are: a) The other shall bear no frustration of his desires. B) He can not bear to delay the realization of its expectations. C) He did not even imagine that there is a price pay for the satisfaction of his desires. In such a situation, we are dealing with a kid. Maintain contact with a person of this type asks that spends his life trying to "grow" the other. It can take a long time, the price is very high and the outcome is far from guaranteed. 3. You do not get itself called human love. It yourself creates itself when there is satisfaction when the other is behaving so nice, affectionate with me, I feel satisfaction . That's the assessment that I do my satisfaction that comes what I call love. The love I feel for each other is nothing but the result of my actions, my attitudes, what I put at the disposal of the other for his own pleasure. When I exercise at toward the other of kindness, benevolence, generosity, the other creates itself in feelings of love for me that is nothing but a result of my own actions . TO CORRECT SUCH BEHAVIOUR: a) You treat me nicely and I answer the same way. (Positive reinforcement Importance). B) When you treat me badly, I can continue for a certain time, lucidly, to choose good deal while trying to open your eyes. C) When the bad treatment continues, so without anger, without resentment, guilt, I will answer in order to preserve my own interests, not take care of you. There is no guilt at having to ask the other to pay the price to receive our loving attention provided to be yourself, willing to pay a fair price in an informed manner.

Results (English) 3:

to counter the romantic vision of marriage ". what is hidden in "i love a (n) as (the)". we find the other: (a) to our taste, pleasant, helpful, beneficial, (b) physical appearance) - - - hand skills and / or intellectual talents' - '- money or possessions, - how to behave under certain circumstances.- how to respond to certain types of events, the traits and the other is - interest on certain things

it is, in fact, not quite what is one that you love. more accurately, we love what one has, and we are given, the other is for us, and that we enjoy. in this sense,there is no love. what we call love is a mutual use and other intelligent resources to a greater pleasure to live. there is no real free in what we call love, as any person, by its constitution.is, first and foremost, to draw in the other, which will bring him to meet his expectations. "2. love is first and foremost a matter of reciprocity, there is a price to pay for this reciprocity. "what people call love, may, in some cases, become a kind of robbery, looting, hijacking of sharp resources of the other person. that is,to a certain extent, solve the land could feed on fruit. this is what we call love can grow only in reciprocity. "there are children, because of the incomplete development of its judgment, believe that the other can still give him free of charge. the adult.the trial came of age learned that no human could meet all expectations, his taste, his every wish. he knows that the other will also want to fill some of their tastes, desires and expectations. in the adult, mature, it is recognized that peaceful. what we call love is to the person.as a matter of reciprocity. the man accepts that what we call love is made of "false gifts" in the sense that there is a price to pay for the benefits that can bring us.

love is based on two basic trends in the us: "(a) the dynamic growth that drives us to search for the that's good for us, for our growth.(b) the tendency for membership (establishment and membership in a "niche"). in the adult, there are clear and serene acceptance of the following: i can help to some extent to satisfy both of these trends. it can help me to be reasonably happy. "we get married not to make each other happy, but for the other occasions of happiness.and in order to maintain this advantage, it is willing to pay for a fair and reasonable cost. this is what we call the reciprocal love. "when there is reciprocity, where the price paid for this reciprocity is reasonable, there is satisfaction, then there is what is called in the vernacular: love."some signs to detect if a person has achieved this level of consciousness or not. they are the following: (a) one can tolerate frustration of his desires. (b) it can take time to achieve their expectations. (c) i can't imagine that there is a price to pay for the satisfaction of their desires. in this situation.we're dealing with an adult child. maintain relationship with such a person that you spend your whole life trying to "grow up". it may take a long time, the price is very high and the outcome is far from guaranteed. "3. it is not, in itself, what is human love, it is oneself in the home when there's satisfaction. "when the other is a kind, loving with me, i feel a sense of satisfaction. this is my evaluation of the degree of satisfaction is what i call love. the love one has for me is nothing more than the result of my actions, my attitude, that i will make available to the other for his own pleasure. "when i shall exercise, in respect of the other's kindness, kindness, generosity, the other is in itself feeling of love for me is not just a result of my own. "to address behaviors: (a) treat me nicely, and i answer you in the same way. (positive reinforcement). (b) when you treat me bad, i can continue.for a while, clearly, to choose to deal with it, trying to open your eyes. (c) when the abuse continues, then anger, resentment, guilt free, i'm going to respond in such a way as to preserve my own interests, i will take care of you. "there is no guilt at having to ask the other to pay the price for our condition to be loving, willing to pay a fair price in an informed manner.