A Reflection: Living in the context of myself
June 11, 2016
I type this sitting in my seat on a flight to Dallas, TX from Chicago, IL. While I planned to work on editing a few videos for work, I couldn’t help but sit back and reflect on the past year of my life. A year ago, if you had told me I’d be doing what I am now and heading in the direction I am now, I would have laughed at you – I’m sure anyone can relate to that given how much a year changes us.
And changes us it does.
My temperament, my friendships, my mindset, my goals, my abilities, my passions, my dreams, my desires – all so different than they were a year ago. However, a year ago today, I was in the exact same place I am right now: on a plane to a women’s conference.
I don’t talk to the people I talked to a year ago. I don’t dream about the person I dreamt about a year ago. I don’t think the same way I did a year ago.
A year ago at this time – at the same conference I am heading to now – I fell head over heels for someone that I ended up dating until about a month ago. And today, I head back to the same event no longer in the context of “_____ and Caroline” but rather in the context of myself.
An extremely frustrating aspect of dating someone so close to me within my field was that I always felt completely overshadowed by them and ignored as an individual. I felt like everything I did career-wise or otherwise was confined within the context of him.
One of the most empowering aspects of single-life so far is the opportunity to operate and thrive in the context of myself. No longer am I trying to outrank a partner, prove myself as an individual, or support him in his endeavors. Almost 20 years old, now is the time I need to focus on myself and further my own career outside the context of a relationship.
You operate inside the context of what is most important to you. No matter what decision you make, you have to evaluate your decisions (whether they’re related to your career, relationships, trips, events, personal affairs, etc) and make sure they fit in the box of your top priorities.
The first box I fit things into is the context of my faith. This is the most important aspect of any life decision or endeavor. If you have a personal relationship with the Lord, then your choices must align with His will for your life. There are no exceptions. If something I want or am offered doesn’t fit into this context, then I let it go. It’s that simple. I fail at this decision daily, of course, but every day, I strive to make choices that draw me closer to God and make me more like Him.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10
The second box I fit things into is the context of my career. A successful career is something that is incredibly important to me. This is why I just won’t seriously date until after I graduate from college. Not because I don’t want to – trust me, I do – but I don’t want a relationship to limit the scope of my career or vice versa. When you’re in a serious relationship, your options long-term are severely limited, and one of my worst fears is becoming involved with someone who doesn’t fit in the context of my future career.
The third box I fit things into is the context what is best for me – mentally, physically, and spiritually. If something is unhealthy or just doesn’t line up with what I believe in – it doesn’t fit in my life. If someone brings negativity and unnecessary stress into my life, I cut my losses. It’s not about what only doing what makes me happy because happiness is fickle, but it’s rather about what and who pushes me in the direction that I want to go. Being picky with what you let into your world takes so much self-control, but the rewards you will reap are incomparable.
I want you to know that this list of priorities are by no means a recommendation on how to live your life but rather a reflection of the place I am at right now. I know people whose future career means nothing next to their relationship or future relationship, and I’m sure God designed them that way for a specific purpose. One day, I will meet a man whose career fits like a key into a lock with mine, and we’ll run with it, but until then, the pursuit of a relationship is not even in my top ten priorities.
After being in a relationship for a year that taught me so many necessary lessons, the reward of operating within the context of myself rather than the context of a couple is refreshing, empowering, and exhilarating. Being bound to the deadweight loss of a stagnant relationship held me back for so long, but it taught me the importance of living as an individual and within the context of Caroline rather than living as an overshadowed part of a wasteful whole.